16 Comments

All the prompts are met, it’s very engaging right away; I wish you had just a couple hundred more words to (perhaps) flesh out the finale. I was left wanting more!

Expand full comment

Thanks! Always want extra words.

Expand full comment

I really love the gritty realism of this - it's awesome. And also, something I can thoroughly empathise with, at the moment. It really made me feel for that that her last thought was about how her family was going to survive without her paycheck.

I agree with one of the previous comments that this story felt very personal - and I think it will feel personal to anyone who is in the same position. The mixing together of the mundane difficulties of budgeting with the drama of being shot was fantastic - I really enjoyed reading this!

Expand full comment

Thank you so much, Nicole!

Expand full comment

This rang so true in all its details that I felt a little queasy at the description of the character being shot. I have a strong stomach, but this felt very personal.

Well done.

Expand full comment

Thank you, Jennifer! I appreciate you taking the time to read it and for the kind words.

Expand full comment

I was ready to come to the comments to say how anxious this made me feel throughout. Well done, great work!

Was this for NYC Midnight?

Expand full comment

Thanks dude! It was. I ended up writing two stories for the competition and this is the one I didn’t submit. So be prepared for the other one when I can release it to the public!

Expand full comment

Awesome I love their contests. Can't wait for the other one!

Expand full comment

Have you participated recently? If you put any in the forum let me know. I’ll check them out. This was my second time. They are very enjoyable.

Expand full comment

Definitely gave a sharp inhale at the end. Enjoyed it. Liked the mental math she was trying to do throughout. Can totally relate. I think all prompts were followed well. Nicely done.

Expand full comment

Thanks Chelsea! Appreciate you reading it.

Expand full comment

Awesome on every point. Suprising, but effective

Expand full comment

Thank you!

Expand full comment

I audibly gasped. 😭

Expand full comment

Victory!

Expand full comment